Episode Transcript
[00:00:04] Speaker A: Shmoopy.
[00:00:06] Speaker B: Look at that.
[00:00:07] Speaker A: That's work.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: Hey, I want to talk about bathrooms today.
[00:00:11] Speaker A: Oh, God, yeah. Why are you so obsessed with bathrooms? No, with any. Yes. All that stuff. What do you mean? Gaseousness, the pooping. That like you're just. It's just. It's a thing for you trying to understand. Yes.
[00:00:26] Speaker B: No, but.
[00:00:26] Speaker A: But what's crazy is I. Maybe someday I'll do my toilet seat.
Maybe we'll talk about that anyway. Go ahead.
[00:00:34] Speaker B: Your stand up comedy. Yeah, I'd love to hear it now.
[00:00:38] Speaker A: No, I don't know enough to hear, but maybe I'll read it at some point.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: You're not off book.
[00:00:42] Speaker A: Not for that one. It used to be. Go ahead.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: So we had this conversation when we were out the other day.
And where. Which place were we in when I brought up the dinner? Which dinner, though? Not the Italian dinner.
[00:00:56] Speaker A: Yeah, it was Italian.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: Was it the Italian place? Let's talk about the hand on the pizza. No.
[00:01:02] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:01:02] Speaker B: What was the time before were that.
[00:01:04] Speaker A: No, it wasn't. I do really like how her memories work.
[00:01:08] Speaker B: I know.
[00:01:09] Speaker A: Because they totally do not. They're not copacetic. Well, we contradict each other.
[00:01:14] Speaker B: We both. Often. If not. Well, yeah, often.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Let's not say always.
[00:01:20] Speaker B: No, majority of the time we're commando.
[00:01:23] Speaker A: Oh, yes.
[00:01:24] Speaker B: Both of us.
[00:01:24] Speaker A: Yes, we're commando people.
[00:01:26] Speaker B: As we say, free balling. Free balling.
[00:01:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:29] Speaker B: You're free laboring.
[00:01:30] Speaker A: I am free labying.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: That would mean underwear free.
[00:01:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: And what happens for the male is when they go wee wee in the bathroom at a restaurant or something. Depending. Unless you're wearing jeans.
If you're wearing slacks, which I usually don't. But I had them on. That's right.
A little dress up. Semi dress up.
[00:01:52] Speaker A: I'm super proud of you.
[00:01:53] Speaker B: So you look to prevent the drip.
[00:01:56] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:01:56] Speaker B: In the spots on your crotch that obviously evaporate not too long after. But it still can be embarrassing for people.
[00:02:06] Speaker A: You found a method. Would you like to share your method, your technique? Yeah.
[00:02:11] Speaker B: So all you do is reach into your pocket. So let's say you're right handed. Put your left hand in your left pocket.
Then when you're done doing the Wii and you're shaking off, even though you think you're shaking it all off, there's always, let's face it, there's going to possibly be the dribble 1 or 2 or 3.
[00:02:30] Speaker A: Always push the schlonkey into the left.
[00:02:36] Speaker B: Hand which is in your pocket. Gras your wanky and hold it, squeeze it a little Bit, whatever. Just hold and then zip up with the right hand.
[00:02:47] Speaker A: Don't catch.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: Or left hand if you're left handed. And then do what you got to do. And then.
And people are saying, well, what about washing your hands that pip.
[00:02:59] Speaker A: You never wash your hands.
[00:03:01] Speaker B: I do sometimes. I do sometimes dumpy. But other words, I just let junior hang by itself. So what's the point? You're gonna get your hands more gross out touc all the goop in the bathroom.
[00:03:12] Speaker A: Exactly. So you should probably wash your hands.
[00:03:14] Speaker B: So here's the deal anyway. Yes, anti dribble. Put your schlonky donk in your left hand inside your pocket. Like reach. Because if you're free balling it, there's nothing there but the inner, inner pocket with your hand in it. So you can actually reach around and cover up your dinky with with your hand. Therefore drying and preventing drippage.
[00:03:42] Speaker A: I really want to count how many times you said you called whatever the you called your penis schwy schmeeky do. What the was that?
[00:03:54] Speaker B: And then, then by the time you walk back out and sit down, a, there's no dribble and B, there won't be any dribble because if there was any, it's inside, it's on inner part of your pocket. Not even on your hand because your hand's inside the pocket. Your schlonky's outside your schlonky. That's it. Your wand.
So you. There you have it. You're welcome.
Just a little something to.
[00:04:22] Speaker A: Yeah, just a little tip. Hey, is that a tip for your tip for your tip tip for your tip? Not bad, right?
[00:04:30] Speaker B: Dudes will be listening. Like, hey, you know what? That's a very subtle, very subtle. Not a third world problem.
[00:04:37] Speaker A: We're literally, literally doing this for ourselves.
[00:04:40] Speaker B: We are?
[00:04:41] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:04:41] Speaker B: That's not what I heard. I heard chicks, it's going viral. They want to know what's happening with this relationship.
[00:04:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, really? So was.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: Yeah, it's like a soap opera.
[00:04:49] Speaker A: Oh, is it?
[00:04:50] Speaker B: It's a soap opera in five minute spurts. It's taking over the world. Women are clamoring.
[00:04:54] Speaker A: No, no.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: They want more shoopy, honey. Goodbye.
[00:04:58] Speaker A: Bye.
