Stop Spanking The Monkey

[00:00:06] Speaker A: Can you hear the birds? [00:00:07] Speaker B: I can hear the birds singing in my ears. [00:00:11] Speaker A: Can you do a little whistling for me? [00:00:14] Speaker B: I don't know, I. It's a copyright issue. If I start whistling like a. [00:00:18] Speaker A: Don't whistle a tune. Don't whistle a tune. Just. Just share with me how you said to me before. Look, I can whistle and you can't tell. [00:00:28] Speaker B: Is audio only. So it's going to be tough for me to prove that, but this is true. I like the ventriloquist of whistlers. [00:00:34] Speaker A: You try to be. Yeah, exactly. [00:00:40] Speaker B: I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lava tree. [00:00:45] Speaker A: Okay, we're not singing that song. Stop. That's an earworm. [00:00:49] Speaker B: Head butter. [00:00:50] Speaker A: I think. I think you should. I think you should sing the first eight notes of that song I asked you to whistle. [00:00:57] Speaker B: I'm eating cheese right now. It's hard. [00:00:58] Speaker A: Why would you be eating cheese while recording? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Well, can you tell who that is? Yeah, White snake. [00:01:10] Speaker B: He just died. He just died. [00:01:12] Speaker A: Really? [00:01:12] Speaker B: Yeah, like in the last year, I think. [00:01:14] Speaker A: Oh no, no, no. [00:01:16] Speaker B: The girl on the car in the video died in the last year. [00:01:19] Speaker A: I was going to say. Get your back straight, Mr. Journalist. [00:01:21] Speaker B: That was our theme song. [00:01:23] Speaker A: Didn't say anything. [00:01:24] Speaker B: Come on, journalists. What's a big deal? We're all journalists. [00:01:27] Speaker A: We're all journalists on every journaling day. [00:01:29] Speaker B: Here I go again on my own. [00:01:33] Speaker A: Don't you love that? [00:01:34] Speaker B: That was a spanking the monkey in my zone. [00:01:39] Speaker A: Don't you love. [00:01:40] Speaker B: I don't spank the monkey, by the way. [00:01:42] Speaker A: No, I know you don't. It fascinates me. [00:01:44] Speaker B: You know why you don't spank the monkey? [00:01:46] Speaker A: Build it up. [00:01:47] Speaker B: A lot of reasons. [00:01:48] Speaker A: Well, because you don't want to. Can I tell you about somebody that I had sex with which I was fascinated by because he hadn't had sex in a while and so he was so used to jerking off the same way every night to put himself to bed. [00:02:04] Speaker B: Oh God. [00:02:05] Speaker A: I was like horrible doing. [00:02:08] Speaker B: So he couldn't come with you. He had to jerk off afterwards. [00:02:11] Speaker A: Well, I made him come at some point in time, but do. Jesus Christ. It was. Yeah, it was. [00:02:15] Speaker B: Well, I've heard. I knew a woman not too long ago whose back to back previous boyfriends both could not come sexually ahead because of pornography. [00:02:29] Speaker A: Exactly. So can we talk? [00:02:32] Speaker B: Here's a deeper philosophy. Now let's talk about this. [00:02:35] Speaker A: Yes. [00:02:36] Speaker B: A it lowers your testosterone. [00:02:39] Speaker A: Be coming all the time. [00:02:40] Speaker B: You mean jerking off lowers your self confidence and Substances. Lower yourself because you're relying on your. You're not. Because it's too easy. It's a. It's a. It's an escape from actually talking to a woman or whatever gender you're interested in. And it's. It's bad for you psychologically also. [00:03:03] Speaker A: It's energy. Energy that you can build up if you don't always. [00:03:08] Speaker B: Yeah, a little bit. [00:03:10] Speaker A: That's a little bit tantric of you. [00:03:11] Speaker B: It's a very tactical. It's a cop out. Get out there and find your next love machine. And if you're not confident, well, bottom line is be patient. But while you're being patient truly is a virtue. [00:03:28] Speaker A: But let's talk about. [00:03:29] Speaker B: Don't be shirking off. [00:03:31] Speaker A: Sure. But let's talk about the basis of all of that, really, at the end of the day, which is why. Well, but this is very. This is very patriarchal and very binary and very. All that stuff. Because it's all about coming. Why is it always about coming? Why is it about the end result? [00:03:50] Speaker B: Right. [00:03:51] Speaker A: Like, can't we go back to basics? Why does it have to be pnv? It doesn't always have to be pnv. There's so many other things you can do. Pnv, Penis and Vagina. [00:03:58] Speaker B: Oh. Which is very, you know, you kids and your acronyms. My God, the whole thing. What is it? Ecological Non Monogamy. [00:04:08] Speaker A: No, no. Ethical Non Monogamy. [00:04:11] Speaker B: Then there's cnm, which is almost the same thing. Coincidental. Non Monogamy. No. [00:04:16] Speaker A: What? [00:04:16] Speaker B: No, it's consensual. Consensual. Not. [00:04:19] Speaker A: You're hilarious. [00:04:20] Speaker B: And then there's like homo homonormative. There's Polypol. Petty Paley Putty. Sexual. [00:04:29] Speaker A: No. [00:04:30] Speaker B: Yeah. What's the one where you're. What's the one where you're really into the. You have to love the person's brain first. Is that. [00:04:37] Speaker A: Oh, I'm very sapiosexual. [00:04:39] Speaker B: Sapio. [00:04:40] Speaker A: I'm very sapiosexual. [00:04:41] Speaker B: Oh, I don't think so. [00:04:42] Speaker A: Yes. That's what got me turned on, was our conversation. [00:04:47] Speaker B: Oh, all right. [00:04:48] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm very. I don't even. I didn't even look to see. [00:04:52] Speaker B: Oh, I think it's time to say goodbye. [00:04:55] Speaker A: Goodbye. Goodbye. Good.